Psychological dependence on a person
Dependence (addiction) on a person is a psychological condition in which a dependent individual experiences a pathological attachment to the object of his love. Because of this, a person practically loses his personality, lives with the problems and joys of his partner.
Addictive behavior is due to the inability to take responsibility for one’s feelings and actions, and with the accompanying negative emotions (sadness, doubts, resentment, anxiety, insecurity), an addicted person does not always manage to cope on his own. It takes a lot of courage, and often the help of a competent psychologist, to find the resources to confront yourself and overcome addiction.
Types of emotional dependence
Dependence can be of different types in different kinds of relationships.
Love addiction usually begins with a fabulous love story – two are constantly inseparable, enjoy each other’s company, new sensations, while friends, girlfriends, relatives fade into the background – no one is needed by lovers. Then feelings subside and there is a desire to diversify an isolated life with hobbies and meetings with friends. Healthy relationships easily cope with this period, but pathological ones do not. The dependent partner has a feeling that he is no longer loved, that he has been abandoned and betrayed, and resentment, jealousy and dissatisfaction become the main emotions. As a result, the initial idyll is replaced by quarrels, accusations and threats.
Friendly addiction resembles love addiction, with the only caveat that the characters are friends. There is the same jealousy for other people and activities, the fear of losing a friend and an urgent need to communicate with him. If a friend has a loved one or other friendships, the addicted person becomes depressed and feels betrayed.
Parental addiction is a type of addiction that is formed in early childhood due to improper upbringing. This usually happens with the despotic behavior of parents who adhere to a totalitarian style of upbringing or themselves became a victim, experienced psychological trauma, grew up in an incomplete family. Such parents stop any attempts of the child to independence, they are afraid to remain alone, to be abandoned. Their actions have the color of manipulation – they invent non-existent diseases, promise an inheritance – in a word, they do everything so that the child needs them, simultaneously depriving him of the opportunity to develop a sense of responsibility, make his own decisions, and make an adequate assessment of his actions.
What is the reason for addiction?
If you recognize yourself, your partner or the history of acquaintances / relatives, you will probably be interested: what is the reason for such a picture, what is wrong, why did this happen?
The causes of emotional dependence are usually:
parental dislike in childhood;
the presence of psychotrauma suffered in childhood;
excessive parental care;
markedly low self-esteem, self-doubt;
the desire to receive the approval and praise of parents and others;
disrespectful attitude of parents;
existence in poor material conditions;
emotional infantilism;
fear of own uselessness;
fear of loneliness;
inability to take responsibility for one’s own behavior;
frequent criticism;
the desire to be in someone’s submission;
wrong upbringing;
a ridiculous idea of u200bu200blove, the desire to be one with the object of adoration, to be together from morning to evening;
the presence of psychological complexes.
Quiz: test yourself
How do you know if you are addicted? Usually a strong sense of dependence on another person is manifested in total control over her actions and movements, in the desire to constantly be around, in the loss of self-control over her thoughts, feelings, behavior.
The following 9-question TEST will help you determine the presence and level of addiction to a person. Please answer “Yes” or “No” questions as honestly as possible.
Do you often experience anxiety when you think about your relationship?
Do you find it hard to say no to your partner?
Do you need your partner’s approval?
Does your self-esteem depend on such approval?
When a partner praises you, your mood rises noticeably, do you like yourself?
Do you feel fear if your partner is dissatisfied with you?
Do you panic if your loved one is in a bad mood?
Can’t you imagine life without a loved one?
Are your former interests no longer enjoyable?
You no longer use passwords, do not have secrets from your partner and require the same from him?
If you did not give a positive answer to any question, you do not have a dependence on a partner.
If you answered “Yes” 1-2 times, you have a mild stage of addiction that you can handle on your own. Analyze your behavior from the outside, study the information on this topic, think about how to correct the situation.
3 to 5 positive answers indicate that you have an average degree of addiction and a proconsul is recommended for you.
See a psychologist / psychotherapist to understand in which direction you should work on yourself.
More than 5 positive answers indicate a severe degree of dependence. You need to take action and seek help from a specialist.
And we will tell you about ways to correct addictive behavior.
Step by step instructions to get rid of addiction
Step 1 – Awareness. Start by recognizing and accepting the fact that addiction exists. Mentally talk to yourself, say that you would like to get rid of this condition. This step is very important, the brain is used to thinking that this is love, not addiction, your sincere willingness to change will make the subconscious look for options to change the situation.
Step 2 – SOLUTION. The next step should be a firm decision to leave the painful relationship or a decision to change your personality (thoughts and behavior) within the existing relationship. It is necessary to understand that dependent relationships are supported by both members of the union, so if you get rid of addiction, your partner will either have to change in order to follow you into a new healthy relationship, or leave on his own.
Step 3 – DESIGNATION OF BORDERS. Learn to refuse a partner and defend your position. At this stage, self-love gradually returns, you will begin to do what you like, listen to your desires.
Step 4 – FILLING THE VOID. In a dependent relationship, your own hobbies have long faded into the background. Start getting to know yourself again. You can make a list, indicate in it what your partner gives you that you cannot give yourself, and begin to bring joy to yourself on your own. You can also listen to yourself, remember what you loved to do, what was interesting to you, renew lost friendships or family relationships, return to an old hobby or find a new one. Sports or dancing will become an effective medicine, because by improving your body, a person not only increases self-esteem, but also acquires health and good mood.
Step 5 – EXPLORE YOUR PROBLEM FROM THE INSIDE. Addiction is a complex psychological condition, not everyone is able to cope with it on their own, to see their problem from the outside. In our Psychology of Addiction course, experienced teachers will tell you how to cope with emotional addiction, teach methods of mental correction and help you acquire a new profession of a psychologist in order to help not only yourself, but also other people who find themselves in a similar situation.
Step 7 – A NEW RELATIONSHIP. Start building new relationships or analyze your feelings in existing relationships – how strong is your addiction, is there a change for the better. To do this, on a scale of 1 to 100, determine how happy you are.